Session 2.2 – Have You Ever: Hi, It’s Me

WTMFI (Way Too Much F***ing Information) Wednesdays

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A weekly sex meme arousing discussions on sexuality

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I knew pretty early on with Alfie that I shouldn’t stay. I often joked that it was the one night stand that wouldn’t end. It became real obvious that I should leave him after I got pregnant with our first and I went through some severe mental issues. He was absolutely not the person to support me through that and while he technically “saved me” from two suicide attempts, he also caused them in a way.

I ended up staying with him long enough to have three kids. I stayed long enough to get all sorts of mentally and physically abused. I stayed long enough that I nearly completely ruined my entire life!!!

I stayed when I knew I shouldn’t for a lot longer than I should’ve!

You never think the person you’re currently with is mediocre in bed. It’s not until you leave them and experience something else, something better, that you know they were only mediocre.

My first two boyfriends definitely don’t compare in bed to The Boyfriend. He is, by far, the most skilled lover I’ve ever had. He’s better at reading me during sex than the others.

But I don’t know if I would’ve stayed had I thought at the time that the other boyfriends were bad in bed. Hindsight…

It never occurred to me to destroy my exes stuff. I wanted to keep the memories of those times alive. I did once smash a boyfriend’s Xbox and whatever game it was he was playing, because I was sick of having to Mom while he played games all day. I would imagine we probably broke up briefly after that…

Definitely! I have made a lot of bad choices in the name of my relationships and have often felt like, “This isn’t me! I wouldn’t do that!“. I don’t think I’ve ever had a relationship that didn’t have at least some moments of disgust with myself.

With my first boyfriend, who lived and breathed punk rock, I abandoned a lot of my beliefs and conformed to his – even though we were totally against conforming. He didn’t like me wearing skirts over my pants or make-up, so I stopped doing it altogether, even though it was something I really enjoyed. I definitely disrespected my parents and my family and just about everyone else and nowadays, I look back and just think how immature it all was.

With Alfie, I always made myself sick. Figuratively and literally. I wasn’t a good person, I wasn’t a good Mom and I let him destroy me repeatedly and went back on so many occassions. I think back to those times often and cannot, to this day, believe that I ever went through that stuff, that I ever let it happen and that I survived it all.

In the beginning of The Boyfriend and I’s relationship (meaning the end of Alfie and I’s for good!), I cheated on The Boyfriend for about four months. I’m still sickened that that happened. I thought I had good reasons, I thought I was doing it to protect people. It’s still one of those things that was so against my character, so against who I am – I don’t know who that girl was…

I don’t think I have ever made a booty call. You could theoretically say that during that four month period with Alfie, I was booty called a few times – although I wouldn’t look at it like that. But he would text and say he was coming over and I knew how things were going to end. Again, that girl, not me…

I have never drunk danced on a tabletop, because I don’t trust tables to not tip over and hurt me. But I have drunk danced on big speakers and on stages. Things that are sturdy and won’t fall over onto me. I mean, if I fall off of it that’s one thing (never happened yet, knock on wood) but if it were to topple onto me, I would die of embarrassment.

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